Spot the idiots

This bunch of eco-minded brand merchants in San Francisco (where else?) operate a website which, besides for acres of vacuous and only mildly funny verbiage, sells stickers, shirts and other gear promoting the use of bicycles by everyone except goats. They’re serious about this, and if I were a goat rights campaigner, I’d be grateful.

Here’s their company hymn:

BIKING KICKS ASS
Biking is fun. Biking is fast.
Biking is quiet. Biking is cool.
Biking is healthy. Biking is simple.
Biking costs less for us.
Biking costs less for our cities.
Biking costs less for the planet.
Go ride a bike. And spread the word.

To some pious people, the sensual perfection to the left is the epitome of evil.

To these pious people, the sensual perfection to the right is the epitome of evil.

So what do you think their slogan would be? As religious folk sing the praises of chastity and modesty, you’d expect this lot to extol the virtues of high — nay, infinite — miles per gallon, right?

Wrong.

They called it Zero Per Gallon.

If they mean zero miles per gallon, the slogan would make a fitting bumper sticker for a Hummer. And if they mean zero dollars per gallon, as their nonsensical merchandise suggests, everyone could afford to drive one. In fact, I think I’ll get me a t-shirt, just to poke fun at them.

Kudos to the arithmetically challenged goat-haters, however, for exploiting the gullibility of cyclists who read the exhortation to “Be righteous! Be contemptuous!” and think, “Yup, that’s what I want to be when I grow up.”